i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
