Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
