Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize