I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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