3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
