I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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