He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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