We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
