I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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