who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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