i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
