He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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