it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
