apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
