Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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