after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize