Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
