i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
