You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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