I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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