TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
