at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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