He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I checked into jail on foursquare
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
is it fun? or sober?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
