On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
