SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
