Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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