I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My dick has a subreddit
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
