Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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