First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize