Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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