Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
