Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
