I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
