We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
