i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
