i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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