Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
