i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
