But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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