I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
