Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
