he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
