someone get that fucking seahorse.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
