I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
