Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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