so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
