I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
