I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
