you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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