i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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