How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
