so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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