I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
