I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
