he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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