While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
