You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
