I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
