Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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