Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize