no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize