Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
and you fell through a lawn chair
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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