He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
