walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
