i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
