Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
