He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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