Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize