why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he thought i was a dude.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
