Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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