it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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