Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
