I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
