I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
