You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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