youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize