We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
