I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
