I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
