Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
