I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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