youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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