If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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