you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
