I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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