i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
