I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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