Me too!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize