You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
