you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
