i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize