I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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