I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
