there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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