i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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