i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
