what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just high enough for therapy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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