my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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