her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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