He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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