fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
