Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
