Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
