Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
