I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
