I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
